Chapter 3.
At Mamma's House
“I would have never expected for my husband to tell me that he was leaving me because he didn’t love me anymore after 30 years. I have my sister and my mom that I see every day, I have Marco, even though is not home often. I’m not completely alone. But I do feel lonely. He left, so I got to keep the house. What really changed is that now I go out on Saturday nights to see other people though I’d prefer sitting in front of the TV. Maybe I would have liked to do the things I do now with my husband. But that can’t happen anymore. So, I keep myself distracted, I go to the gym, I see my girlfriends, I take care of your brother, the cats, the dog... I will get over it eventually but I don’t think I will ever forgive him.”
“I love this house. It has a garden for the cats and the dog. It’s a nice place, you can see the sea from here. I decorated, furnished it. I wouldn’t change it. This is the first house I’ve ever owned. Before we were living in a small apartment in the city center but I hated it. Do you remember? This house is much bigger, much more modern. I would never be able to go back to a small apartment. Your dad never wanted to fix the garden and the bathroom upstairs. So, when he left, that was the first thing I did and I’m so happy about it.
One thing I’m hoping for is for your brother to find a job and be able to be independent, and move out. I worry about him. I think he still suffering from the separation because, while you were away, he was here. He went through it all. Now he is 21 years old and he's looking for his way in life. Sometimes I feel so helpless because I don't know what to do for him. It's good to have him around but I understand it's also his time to go and live his own life as you did.”
“I like the way things work in the family. The only thing I would change is the fact that we keep all our finances together. There should be more separation. Instead, we put everybody’s money in the same bank accounts. This is useful because then everyone can count on all incomes, therefore having more money; but then it can be dangerous as well because someone could take advantage of that. I feel like your dad took a really big advantage of that... and sometimes I feel so stupid for letting him do that."
“I think the separation made me closer to my sister and my mom, maybe I love them even more because I realized they’re my only family. We've always been this close. When my mom used to work, zia Erminia would do things around the house along with my grandparents, even though they didn’t live in that house. It’s a bit like they raised us because my parents were always at work. It was normal to be a big close family even though we lived in separate apartments. When I started working, it was your grandma and zia Erminia who, in turn, started taking care of you. Plus, your aunt has always considered both you and Marco as her own children. We always take care of each other.”
“I understand that your aunt and your grandma are tied with their homes. For example, when at 14 years old your aunt got back surgery, she couldn’t go down the stairs. If I were Grazia, I would have sold the house and got an apartment on the ground floor instead of having my daughter stuck at home for 1 year. I don’t understand how they just won’t let go of those apartments now. My mom is getting older and it’s obvious how my sister struggles to go up the stairs. If they don’t want to sell the apartments, at least they should rent them out. I know it’s a really sensitive subject for them, but time goes by and their health won’t get any better. They should stop caring so much about material things and care more about their own comfort and health.”
“I told your grandma to come to live with me. Not your aunt. I understand she needs her space, to invite her friends over, to cook, for all her things, her books... But your grandma should definitely move in. The ideal thing would be three separate houses, with no stairs and close to each other. Everyone has her own particular habits, we would fight the whole time if we had to live all three in the same house. I want to keep doing what I want in my own home. Most of all, I would hate having to live with all the ugly baroque furniture in your grandma’s house.”
